Death, Loss, and the Joy Promised in the Morning

   Good morning monsters, As I sit here watching the sun play across my windows I am reminded of one  simple joy we all take for granted, waking up. It is such a blessing to open your eyes and witness the birth of a new day. When we lay down at night we don't dream of not waking up, as we go about our day we don't focus on the millions of ways we could die, for many of us these thoughts never cross our mind. For those of us dealing with chronic illnesses, heart problems, debilitating illness, cancer, death or the thought of death; is our constant companion, he sits down with us, eats at our table, walks with us, looks over our shoulder and perches at the end of our bed. 


    Monster, I am not telling you this to cause you to fear, only to remind you of the greatest possession you have, Life. As we travel through life we lose people along the way, during the course of your journey you will lose someone you love, you will lose a whole host of loved ones. I am sorry monster, I am sorry for the pain and the hurt that you have felt, I am sorry for the pain you are feeling now, I am sorry for the future pain you will deal with later.   Death will come for all of us, but in the midst of this seeming darkness I want you to remember monster, that death though painful is not evil, it is not something to be feared, death has no power over us. 


  By all means, grieve, weep, and honor the memory of your loved one, but in your grief take comfort that it is not the end.  You will be sad, you will grieve there is no shame in this. After all when faced with coming to terms of his own death Jesus wept (John 11:35).
But monster in all your weeping there comes a time to remember that there is joy, there is an end to the pain. As Christians we are given hope. The word refers to death as sleeping, nothing more. "But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep." 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

   Monster, in your pain know that God is with you. He will comfort you, (2 Corinthians 1:3-4) He will Bless you, (Matthew 5:4) He will heal your broken heart. (Psalm 119:105) and he will be your strength. (Psalm 73:26). Know that this pain and hurt will diminish and you will be left with the love and wonderful memories of having shared even a moment with the one you have lost. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning (Psalm 30:5)


 

  In the church I grew up in we called it a Homegoing Celebration. We took joy and comfort in 2 Corinthians 5:8  which tells us that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. I have loved and lost those loves, and in the moment of my grief I was surrounded by people who loved me enough to remind me of these things that I have shared with you. I hope that they bring you peace monster, and shed a little light on your dark time. 

I wish you peace monster.

The Taming of the Tongue, Shut up already

   Happy February monsters. How is the love walk going? In case you haven't noticed I have not been blogging as much as I was. A part of that is I have been crazy busy juggling being a mom, planning a wedding, working and all the other things that make up a life. More importantly I have been working on me, specifically my mouth.  With day to day issues and frustrations it is easy to say things you don't mean, to talk about people and situations that annoy you, to gossip, to rant, and to make comments you may later regret. Yup with all the stuff going on in my life its easy to lose ground on the things I thought I had dealt with, my mouth being one of them. Lucky for you monster my slip ups make great topics for this blog.

    Throughout this blog and my journey I have discussed the importance of changing the way you think, guarding your heart, and speaking good things into your life. I seem to have overlooked the whole watching what you say thing, I mean it was easy to call out others on what they say, but myself not so much. In fact recently I have found myself so annoyed with the words coming out of the mouth of someone I loved, that I had to pause and see that God was placing a mirror in front of me. Yup, it was time to work on my mouth, after all what is the point of having pretty lips if every word that comes out of them is ugly? Ponder that monster, ponder that.

   

 So what should you not be saying, let's go to my favorite place, Proverbs. Proverbs is chuck full of wisdom, and a whole bunch of it is dedicated to watching your mouth. It talks about lying, bad mouthing, slander, gossip, foolish talking, deceitfulness, speaking out in anger, rash words, and even about when to shut up. The more I read it the more I realize that I could have saved myself a ton of drama just by being quiet. "Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble" Proverbs 21:23. We all know that lying is wrong, gossip is not so good and slander, slander you could be prosecuted for, or is it libel, either way you want to stay away from it."Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler." Proverbs 20:19 "A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends" Proverbs 16:28 Then there is the grey area. Sarcasm, dry wit, perverse speaking, etc. So basically the majority of my smart comments and mean but funny statements should never have been uttered. Harsh, but true.

        So what are we supposed to do monster, it's not like you can walk around with a muzzle on or a gag, so not fashionable. It is easy, it is time to shut up. Yup I said it, shut up. Next time you want to talk, make a comment, discuss someone, joke about something, shut up. Harsh huh? Before you speak think. Is what you are about to say a sword or not. Are you verbally murdering someone? Are you making a situation/conversation better or worse? Is it something you wouldn't mind saying to Jesus? The Bible says that we are to think about the good, the just, the lovely, if you are thinking these things then there is no room for the ugliness that can escape your lips. (Philippians 4:8) There are times when you think that your not really gossiping or your just telling your friend what you heard, the Bible also covers this. It says that love covers all things and a trustworthy friend will shield their friend from the hurt.

grace  

/grās/

Noun Simple elegance or refinement of movement.

Verb Do honor or credit to (someone or something) by one's presence.

Synonyms noun.   favour - favor - charm - elegance - mercy - gracefulness verb.   adorn - decorate - ornament - embellish - deck - bedeck

As for the snide comments and the off color jokes we are all guilty of enjoying, try this one on for size.  "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." Ephesians 4:29.  Grace, now there is word you don't hear often. In fact it has all but disappeared from our vocabulary, it is more then just a popular name for a little girl.  We as ladies should be gracious and kind. Unfortunately we seem to be a generation of mean girls we mistake cattiness for charm and mean spirited talking for wit. Do the words you use with others do honor or credit, is it a pleasure to be in your company, are you elegant, refined? According to the words you use and the content of your conversation, I would say no.  

So you see monster, you have great power in your tongue. It can be a sword, destroying and cutting at every turn or it can be a healer, a balm to the bruised, an instrument of peace, and a source of wisdom. You decide on what you want it to be. I still struggle with this, as I am sure you do. The good news is that you can master your mouth, it is as simple as shutting it. While it is shut get to reading, start with proverbs then do a search of all the verses that deal with your tounge. I did, I still do, It is a walk that we are on monster. This is just one step in it. So how do you  get started taming your tounge? Easy, when in doubt, shut up. 

Happy talking monster, happy talking 

Hold on, Prepare for the Harvest

  Fall is here monsters, and it is time to bring in the harvest. Even if you have never planted a thing in your life you know that fall is the time of bringing in the crops. It is the season of preparing for winter, putting away our summer fashion and pulling on knits, jackets and drop dead gorgeous boots. Harvest season is an annual event, without fail we know fall is coming, we know that we have to prepare for winter, we know holidays are coming, we know that summer is officially over. 

  Seasons in nature are easy to tell, even in warm climates you experience the change in the air, the shortening of days, and the heaviness of the annual fall fashion issue of Vogue. The changing of the seasons are so universally known that it is no surprise that the Bible constantly refers to them. It likens our struggles, our hopes, our good times and bad to seasons. Periods of time that are passing, that may feel like forever but are in truth are fleeting. In the Between you may feel like you are in a season full of lack, of doubt, of waiting, of struggle, but just like the natural seasons, your spiritual season will not last long.  As you come to understand that God has a plan for you, that it was established before you were ever born you can learn to weather your season. 

  Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 tell us that there is a time for everything under the sun. everything has its time and place and therefore though it may feel like forever it too will pass, to make way for something else. 
"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; "

    In our lives we will have both good times and bad, times of movement and change and times when we feel like nothing is happening at all. When you find yourself in the stagnant  season it is easy to give up, to feel bad about yourself and your life. It is easy to look at others and covet what they have or what they are doing. Don't give into this monster, it is just a season and it will pass. The season you are in is a growing opportunity, it is a time to prune away what no longer serves you, feed your spirit, water your faith and praise the Lord. Yup in the midst of what you may feel is a bad season, a season of drought, famine, hopelessness, don't forget to praise God. Psalms 1:3 "He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers." reminds us that we are to stand, that our season of yielding fruit is coming. That no matter how harsh the weather may be, no matter what comes against us if we stand and praise him through it, when it passes we will be stronger for it. 

     God has planted a seed in you, you are a seed, you have planted your seeds of faith, you have only to outlast the current season to reap your harvest. A farmer knows that he has to wait for his seeds to sprout, to ripen, before he can harvest, he doesnt plant corn on Monday and reap it on Tuesday. He knows that it may be a dry season, that insects may attack his crop, that bad weather, floods, tornadoes, hail and a host of other things may happen. But a good farmer sows the seed anyway, in earth that he has prepared. He waits and he watches, he irrigates, he weeds, he safegaurds against pests, but mostly he waits, he has patience and faith that his crop will come in. He prepares himself for a harvest. 

     Monster, you are a farmer. You have sown with  faith, you have prayed for what you need/want, you have prepared the ground of your heart, you have watered it with the Word you have safeguarded it from the enemy you are weathering your season. You are preparing yourself for the harvest. So when harvesting season comes be prepared, in the meantime praise him for the season your in. 

Happy harvesting monster. 

Hating.... A Global Epidemic

    Hey there monsters. I hope you have been celebrating. Celebrating yourself, and celebrating with others. I know it may seem difficult at first, but the more you share love and joy with others, the more you will experience love and joy in your own life. It is important, love. It is probably the greatest power in the universe, in fact the Word says that it is. (1Corinthians 13:13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.) 

   The world would have you believe that love is weak. that it is conditional, flaky, transient, untrustworthy, and something that can be earned and revoked. The world is not so good at loving, in fact it seems that the world's favorite pastime is hating. They don't call it hating, that would be too obvious. It is disguised as commentary, humor, blogging, criticizing, joking, laughing, tabloids and entertainment. We wait for people to mess up, to break up, to wear the wrong thing, say the wrong thing, etc. just so we can "discuss" them.  The word "haters" has entered our vocabulary seamlessly and has made itself at home in our daily lives. Go ahead and admit it monster, you have hated on somebody. Maybe you knew them personally, maybe you just watch them on t.v. but somewhere, sometime you have hated! Go ahead and admit it. I know you have, I have too. It doesn't seem so bad when its strangers, or people you really don't like, in fact you can fix it up and say your only talking about their behavior and not them. Fix it up anyway you want. Hating is hating. 

   Just so you know, everything you put out into the world will come back to you! Don't be surprised if someone is hating on you right now.  If you have been hated on you have probably posted some type of rebuttal on Facebook or Twitter, encouraging them to continue hating, to say what they want, it sounds good. It sounds like the right thing to do. We are supposed to accept that people hate us, it has become a badge of honor. It feeds our ego, it lets us know that in a world where people post their every thought and movement, someone, somewhere is envious of you. Shame monster, shame.  Take a look at what you say about people, about situations, about everything. What you say, becomes what you believe, what you believe you think on, what you think on takes up residence in your heart, and what is in your heart comes out of your mouth. "As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man." proverbs 27:19 It is a  vicious cycle.  It is time to break it. 

   You cannot claim to love God, to love your neighbor and be a "hater". It is time to get control of your mouth. I said it! Put a muzzle on it! That's catchy maybe i will put it to music, make up a dance and win a VMA. Just kidding but I still mean it. It is time to think before you speak. Ephesians 4:29 tells us to not let corrupting talk come out of our mouths, Proverbs is full of wisdom about not speaking foolishly about others, the New Testament is overflowing with verses that teach us how to love and talk and treat each other. It is time to put all that teaching into practice. 

It starts with you, go from being a hater, to a lover. Speak kindness or remain silent. Don't join in the global epidemic of hate, be the cure. 

I Am Sooo Happy For You......Really?

       Happy Tuesday Monsters.  Today we are going to focus on joy and happiness. No not your joy and happiness but others joy. Yup I am asking you to step out of your little bubble and take a look at the lives of those around you, your friends, your family, your co-workers, etc. Are they happy? Are they enjoying life? Are they celebrating something. Bigger question, are you celebrating with them? Are you capable of being happy, genuinely happy for the good fortune of others? 

   Take a minute. Your first instinct will be to say "yes, of course, I am not a hater". Stop and take a deeper look. What is the first thought that comes into your mind when someone shares their good news with you? Of course your happy, but somewhere is there a voice saying "what about me?" How do you feel when a promotion you worked so hard for goes to your friend? What about when the perfect guy you have been crushing on for weeks, takes a liking to your frenemy? Or maybe you have been trying for a child for so long and your sister gets pregnant at the drop of a hat. Just think about something that you are working towards, striving for, reaching for, that is just around the corner, you are almost there, and when you look around everyone else seems to be getting it quicker than you, easier than you.  Can you celebrate with them? Really with your whole heart, do you wish them well or is a piece of you still saying "it's not fair, when will it be me"?

Its O.K.  It happens.  We all have those feelings. But now monster, now is the time to deal with them, to put them away and to really learn to be happy for others. The first step in that is to know within yourself that their good fortune and blessings do not detract from yours. You are not missing out. You are not coming up short, and that there is no shortage to the goodness of God. Take that step and get rid of the lie that tells you that you are not ever going to have what it is you want. 

The next step to really sharing in the joy of others is to stop drinking the hater-aid. Hater-aid is real its like Kool-aid only instead of sugar its laced with bitterness. We have all drank some in our time. We have all secretly thought that we were better, smarter, cuter, faster, whatever then the other person. We have all at one time or another taken pleasure in hating on somebody or on what they have done.  Quit it. Put down the glass.  With every sip you take you are blocking your own blessings. Bitterness poisons the drinker.  I am going to take this a step further and extend it to the people you don't really like. Your "enemies", your haters, your nay sayers, etc. You don't have to party with them and send them flowers but you should be happy for them, and not resent them. I know I am asking a lot of you monster, but it is only for your own good. 

 Romans 12:15- 21 tells us what we are supposed to do. "Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation. Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord. “BUT IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM, AND IF HE IS THIRSTY,GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP BURNING COALS ON HIS HEAD.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” 

Before you get all excited about the heaping of burning coals line, you have to know that it refers to the Love of God. Those coals are Love. God calls us to him with love. He uses love to convict us, to draw us, to chastise us, to bring us into His will. So you forget the images of God torturing your enemies for you. Sorry, monster.  Oh and the whole evil line that is for your haters, and you. You are going to have to do good to them, for them and love them. Sorry. 

   So now that we have cleared up some things, are you really happy about other people's blessings? Don't worry if your not, it will take some time, some prayer, and some getting into your Word. It will happen, and you monster, will be better for it. When  you get to a place where you can truly be happy for others you open up the floodgates in your own life. God is a God of relationship. He wants you to have good relationships with others, He wants to have a great relationship with you. The two are intrinsically intertwined. Jesus commanded us to Love God with our whole hearts, and to love our neighbors as ourselves. You cannot do one and ignore the other. 

So today monster, find someone, anyone, and share in their joy. Practice it daily. Until next blog, I'm happy for you and congratulations on whatever it is you accomplish today. 

Fuggedaboudit....Forgive them, all of them

       Hope your loving your Wednesday monsters. I am about to go dance in the rain. Yup that is how I get my joy on. Don't forget that today is the day to get your joy on too. So Dance, but not yet, read this first, then dance. So please excuse the liberty that I have taken with my spelling. In other words I am asking for your forgiveness. That was easy. Most of the time it is not. It is hard to admit when you were wrong, doubly  so when you feel that you are not wrong.
        Forgiveness is a funny creature. There are some situations where it readily appears, like forgiving me my spelling mistakes. There are other situations where finding it is near impossible, like in the case of a broken heart, or a betrayal of trust. It is even harder to forgive when it is not really an action but perhaps a conduct or behavior or word that has given you offense. While you are in your Between time you have been cleaning out your stuff. Looking at the past and the people in it. You have probably found some situations and some people that you have been offended by. I know I have. I have probably even held a grudge. Or two. O.k. maybe a dozen or so. Well what do you do? Some of these things happened long ago, maybe you don't even know where the offender is, or perhaps you told them you forgave them already, even though a small kernel of unforgiveness lives in your heart. What then? Is it really a big deal, after all its the past and the past cannot hurt you, right?

The past may not be able to reach out and slap you, but it will hinder you from moving into the Next. That little piece of unresolved issue can grow into a huge pile of unresolved issues. It will affect how you deal with future similar situations, it will affect how you treat people, it will poison your relationships and it will open up the floodgates that will water the bitterness you have been so successful in rooting out. So, yeah it is a big deal.

Forgiveness is not about the other person. It is about you. Chances are they don't even know or care that they have hurt or offended you. They are not losing any sleep and skipping happily along with their life. Unaware and most likely totally oblivious to your pain. Nope, monster it is not for them it is for you. You are going to have to dig deep for this one. It is going to take some work and it may not happen over night, but if you are active, willing, and loving enough it will happen . You must forgive everyone and everything that has caused you to be in the Between, this includes yourself. You are going to have reach in deep and be truly honest. Your decisions, choices, and actions are what got you here. Forgive yourself. Embrace yourself, love yourself , take the lesson the universe is showing you and then forgive yourself. This part is easy. Well kind of easy, on to the heavy lifting.

Take a breath and go back to each situation where you have been hurt or offended by someone else. It doesn't matter if you were close to them or if it was the guy who took your parking spot, or the last seat on the bus. Picture them in your head, smile and forgive them. Then let it go. For people who you love/loved this may take several tries. You will have to check in every once in awhile with your feelings to make sure that you have truly forgiven them. Why is this important? Because sweet one, you will continue to draw the same type of situations and people into your life that will mirror the hurt and pain until you deal with it. Talk about Deja Vu.

What does this look like. We will use an easy example. Men. You are looking back on all your past relationships and you start to see a pattern, All the men you date have the same physical attributes, same type of personality, same type of vibe about them. That could just be chalked up to what you like, so let's dig deeper. As you look at all your relationships they all seem to have been emotionally or physically unavailable. Maybe it was physical distance, maybe they worked or traveled, perhaps they were still involved with someone else. Doesn't matter. Now you have located the problem, you have seen how with hindsight all of them were doomed to fail. Well here is where forgiveness comes in. Forgive them for being who they were and forgive yourself for picking them. Let it go. Now you can see that type coming and avoid them, lesson learned. Or, you can claim to be over it, and keep repeating the cycle over and over again. God will allow you to repeat this lesson as many times as it takes. Let it go. Forgive all of them. Write their names on a piece of paper and throw it in a lake, rip it up and scatter it. Let them go, thank them for the lesson and move on.

Be aware that once you have done this the Universe will test you. I will put you in situations that are similar it will send you people who remind you of. _____________, it will try to trick you and test you. You might fail. No, you will fail, first time out, after that it is cake, you will be able to laugh about it and recognize the next one instantly! lesson learned. You must practice this daily. Forgive them.

The most important reason to forgive is that in the Bible it clearly states they we are forgiven. As undeserving as we may be God is able and willing to forgive us. It also says that if we harbor any unforgiveness in our hearts that God will not forgive us. (Matt.6:14-15) You got to give, to get monster. Do not block your blessings and your prayers over petty man-made mess. Forgive and let go.  Now you get to work on that, I have to go out and sing in the rain. Save some time for your joy!

Resurrection: Its Not Just For Easter

Good Morning, monsters. Hope you enjoyed your holiday. How did the soul searching go? Did you get that bitter taste out of your mouth, more importantly did you begin to root it out of your soul. I know its difficult, I warned you that it was a tricky, sneaky thing. It may take awhile to get its tendrils out of the nooks and crannies of your soul, but keep at it. I am constantly walking around with a bottle of Round-Up, squirting every nasty tendril that pops its head up. Every day I am hacking away at that root. Writing this is killing the bitterness, every key stroke is making it weaker and soon, it will be all gone.

On to today's topic. Congratulations graduate you have left the Before. You've put away all your exes, you have stopped the back in the day episodes, and you have retired from your party planning career. Now what? If your anything like me, your shocked. For the first time you are awake, and the light is blinding. You look around and realize you have been living in a bubble, life has gone on merrily around you and your having a bad hair day, your wearing ugly sweats, and you can give a detailed recap of every bad reality show on television. Don't go back into hiding! Shake it off. Get up get out of those nasty sweats, do a mini makeover, and face the day. Really face it.

When I finally came to myself I was shocked. I was chilling on the couch eating chips, watching some inane woman making a fool of herself on national T.V.  and I caught my reflection. I had become a couch potato. Me! I hadn't rocked heels in a year, my poor babies were locked away in boxes, and what was I wearing, pajamas at 3 in the afternoon? My nails were not done, my legs not shaved, and I was rocking my natural hair color. This had gone too far. Your wake up may not look like this but its still a wake up you begin to take notice of what your doing, eating wearing, you notice your surroundings, congratulations baby you are awake. Today is your Resurrection Day.

So what does this mean? It means you are no longer distracted by what you lost, you've stopped all the distractions, you have begun working on your bitterness and suddenly you have become aware of yourself. This is a strange moment. Now that your not looking back, you can look forward and all you see are possibilities. The whole world has opened up to you, its like you have not been breathing and you can finally fill your lungs. You get off that couch, march into the bathroom and reclaim you.  This post is going to be short. Today you are going to be so excited about you that this blog is just blocking you from saying hello to you. So monster go do it. Change your hair, put on some make up, go sit in the sun. Today is the first day of your new life. Get to It. Because after today we step into the In Between. Enjoy your day