Be Still....He's Got You

      I have been on quite the hiatus when it comes to blogging. I used to blog daily, sharing my journey and my thoughts but recently I have been real quiet. Not just on the internet, but in my life too. Maybe a little too quiet. There is a time monster in all of our lives when we learn that it may be wiser to remain silent, prayerful, and still then it is talk and move forward. This is a hard lesson monster, especially for one such as me who is not used to having to guard my mouth. I have always been quick to talk and slow to think it through first. I have always shared my thoughts and opinions freely, I have been quick to display anger and impatience, but in my journey I have learned to be still. I am not going to say it is easy, monster, it is not. It will be the hardest thing you master, the hardest thing you will ever do. To be still, to allow the Lord to move, to make a way, to deal with your enemies, to fight your battles while you are still, will be the hardest but the most rewarding experience of your walk.

    What do I mean by being still. I am not talking about inaction, or sitting back waiting on things I am talking about moving forward on your path, doing the work you have been called to do. You are still praying, you are still in your Word, you are still doing you. So how is that being Still? When I say be still it means not to pay attention to the distractions that are going to arise. As you walk with the Lord you will be blessed. You will get the job you have been praying for, get that breakthrough in your life you have been working towards, you will be enjoying all the blessings that come with it and while your enjoying it, the enemy is throwing things in your path to make you stumble. The enemy will throw people at you, situations, etc. to make you falter, to make you question and to ultimately make you leave your path. Don't give in monster, no matter what comes at you, be still, knowing that God has already worked it out. 

Here is what it looks like. You have finally gotten the job you have been praying for. You are happy, you are making lots of money, you are finally able to be the blessing you always wanted to be. Everything is great until it is not. Your car breaks down, your babysitter quits, and your co-worker is throwing so much shade at you she could be an oak tree. I mean seriously, what is wrong with her that she is constantly bad mouthing you, undermining you and basically making your dream job a nightmare. What do you do? Do you throw a fit, tell her where she needs to go and how to get there? Or do you be still. 

Scenario 2. You are finally in the relationship you have been praying about. You have met the man you are going to marry. You pray together, you go to church together, you are actively building a life together.  You are happy and you expect the others around you to be happy as well.... yeah not so much. Your getting advice from this one and that one, everyone has an opinion, some think your moving too fast, some don't like him, some just liked you better single who knows but everywhere you turn you find a new opinion. What do you do? 
Scenario 3. You are finally getting your degree, you have made it into the program, everything is great until it is not. You don't like your study group, your classes are not available, the books are too much, your job is tripping about all the time you have been requesting off. You are distracted by everything going on around you what do you do? 

Be still monster. I don't know what your dealing with in your life, but I know at times it can be stressful, You have so many things pulling at you, people talking into your life, everyday stresses and set backs and you just want to fire back. Be still. Psalm 46:10 "Be Still and Know that I am God."  simply means that you don't have to do anything. You don't have to defend yourself from attack. Exodus 14:14 The LORD shall fight for you, and you shall hold your peace. Hold on to your peace monster. You don't have to tell that chick where to go, you don't have to fight and argue with your family, you don't have to do anything. You can be still knowing that the battle is the Lord's and that no weapon formed against you will prosper. You can relax and bathe in the light that tells us that All things work together for the good of them who love the Lord. This monster is being still. Keep doing what your doing. all these obstacles and trials tell you is that you are heading in the right way. So next time someone throws some dirt your way, don't worry, God has got your back. 

I wish you stillness monster. 

Malarkey, Balderdash, Hogwash and other Foolishness

   

 Happy Tuesday Monsters, how is the taming of the tongue going? Harder then you thought huh? I have been practicing being silent, I have been absent on twitter and face book, I have not responded to the off the wall posts that we call social media, I have smiled and nodded rather then engage in conversations at work. I have thought before I spoke and become a woman of few words. For now. I don't know about you but I am bursting to tell other people to shut up!  I mean really when your quiet, you start to really take notice of the chatter going on around you. All that chatter, all the tweets, all the updates, even the face to face convos are full of mess. I said it. Foolishness! Mess, and yes to quote Biden, "malarkey." As people we say a whole lot of nothing. Think of all that air pollution. I look back on some of my own chatter, tweets and status updates and wish I could have back all the millions of seconds I wasted telling people how much i love sunshine, go bulls, and "liking" of random stuff. If I had all those seconds back I could be making history instead of posting about it on my face book page.

       The most important thing I learned during my forced silence is not to argue with fools.

Unfortunately I seem to know quite a lot of fools. I am sure you do too, in fact you may be a fool right now. The good news is you do not have to stay one. When I say foolish  I don't mean stupid or ignorant (Though my face book friend list seems to have an abundance of them also) I mean people who don't think before they speak. People who make great business decisions but horrible personal ones. People who make excellent personal ones and horrible business ones. People who for the most part are smart, kind, loving, until they sit in front of a keyboard, then all their foolishness shows. People who just have wrong thinking about a whole host of things. That is the foolishness I am speaking on.

    Don't get me wrong monster we are all at times  foolish.We have all made foolish choices, made foolish statements, and just in general acted a fool at one time or another. However there should come a time when we let all that foolishness go. There should come a time when our appetite for it diminishes and disappears, a time that as we walk in the Light, we become wiser. We should at some point stop looking to our education, our friends, our experiences etc and look to the Lord and ask for wisdom. The wisdom to do right, act right, think right, choose better friends, choose better dates, choose better jobs and lifestyles. Eventually in our walk with God we should be able to move past the foolishness.

    Let me share some random conversations and posts I have come across in my pondering on fools and foolishness.  Foolishness is what keeps you in a bad relationship yet you keep asking for advice. It is what makes you make snide comments about people, it makes you stay in a dead end job or spend your paycheck before you get it. Foolishness is buying 200 dollar gym shoes and your rent is due. Foolishness is doing the same ignorant thing over and over again and wanting different results. Foolishness is posting half naked pictures of yourself on the Internet and then beating your daughter for staying out all night with her boyfriend. Foolishness is arguing with someone who makes racist, sexist or bigoted comments on an anonymous forum. Foolishness is knowing what is right and not doing it. You starting to get the picture?

The world is full of foolishness, lucky for us we have the solution. The Word. The bible tells us that if anyone lacks wisdom, ask the Lord,(James 1:5) it tells us to put away childish behavior, ( 1 Corinthians 13:11) to cease from foolish talk(Ephesians 5:4) and to not hang around fools.(1 Corinthians 15:33) It is all there a whole manual on how to live, to be wise, to make wise choices. The only catch is you have to actually read it. The world is infected with foolishness and malarkey, you only have to turn on the television or the computer for that matter and you will be bombarded with reality shows full of people acting a fool, talk shows, news forums and programs that celebrate ignorance and vulgarity. You can be infected and spread it or you can be the cure. Foolishness has to stop with you. You choose how you speak, to whom you speak, and the content of your speech. So monster are you a fool. I would hope not, but just in case you may have a mild case of it, a good dose of the Word will clear that all up.

Be wise monster, be wise.

The Taming of the Tongue, Shut up already

   Happy February monsters. How is the love walk going? In case you haven't noticed I have not been blogging as much as I was. A part of that is I have been crazy busy juggling being a mom, planning a wedding, working and all the other things that make up a life. More importantly I have been working on me, specifically my mouth.  With day to day issues and frustrations it is easy to say things you don't mean, to talk about people and situations that annoy you, to gossip, to rant, and to make comments you may later regret. Yup with all the stuff going on in my life its easy to lose ground on the things I thought I had dealt with, my mouth being one of them. Lucky for you monster my slip ups make great topics for this blog.

    Throughout this blog and my journey I have discussed the importance of changing the way you think, guarding your heart, and speaking good things into your life. I seem to have overlooked the whole watching what you say thing, I mean it was easy to call out others on what they say, but myself not so much. In fact recently I have found myself so annoyed with the words coming out of the mouth of someone I loved, that I had to pause and see that God was placing a mirror in front of me. Yup, it was time to work on my mouth, after all what is the point of having pretty lips if every word that comes out of them is ugly? Ponder that monster, ponder that.

   

 So what should you not be saying, let's go to my favorite place, Proverbs. Proverbs is chuck full of wisdom, and a whole bunch of it is dedicated to watching your mouth. It talks about lying, bad mouthing, slander, gossip, foolish talking, deceitfulness, speaking out in anger, rash words, and even about when to shut up. The more I read it the more I realize that I could have saved myself a ton of drama just by being quiet. "Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble" Proverbs 21:23. We all know that lying is wrong, gossip is not so good and slander, slander you could be prosecuted for, or is it libel, either way you want to stay away from it."Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler." Proverbs 20:19 "A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends" Proverbs 16:28 Then there is the grey area. Sarcasm, dry wit, perverse speaking, etc. So basically the majority of my smart comments and mean but funny statements should never have been uttered. Harsh, but true.

        So what are we supposed to do monster, it's not like you can walk around with a muzzle on or a gag, so not fashionable. It is easy, it is time to shut up. Yup I said it, shut up. Next time you want to talk, make a comment, discuss someone, joke about something, shut up. Harsh huh? Before you speak think. Is what you are about to say a sword or not. Are you verbally murdering someone? Are you making a situation/conversation better or worse? Is it something you wouldn't mind saying to Jesus? The Bible says that we are to think about the good, the just, the lovely, if you are thinking these things then there is no room for the ugliness that can escape your lips. (Philippians 4:8) There are times when you think that your not really gossiping or your just telling your friend what you heard, the Bible also covers this. It says that love covers all things and a trustworthy friend will shield their friend from the hurt.

grace  

/grās/

Noun Simple elegance or refinement of movement.

Verb Do honor or credit to (someone or something) by one's presence.

Synonyms noun.   favour - favor - charm - elegance - mercy - gracefulness verb.   adorn - decorate - ornament - embellish - deck - bedeck

As for the snide comments and the off color jokes we are all guilty of enjoying, try this one on for size.  "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." Ephesians 4:29.  Grace, now there is word you don't hear often. In fact it has all but disappeared from our vocabulary, it is more then just a popular name for a little girl.  We as ladies should be gracious and kind. Unfortunately we seem to be a generation of mean girls we mistake cattiness for charm and mean spirited talking for wit. Do the words you use with others do honor or credit, is it a pleasure to be in your company, are you elegant, refined? According to the words you use and the content of your conversation, I would say no.  

So you see monster, you have great power in your tongue. It can be a sword, destroying and cutting at every turn or it can be a healer, a balm to the bruised, an instrument of peace, and a source of wisdom. You decide on what you want it to be. I still struggle with this, as I am sure you do. The good news is that you can master your mouth, it is as simple as shutting it. While it is shut get to reading, start with proverbs then do a search of all the verses that deal with your tounge. I did, I still do, It is a walk that we are on monster. This is just one step in it. So how do you  get started taming your tounge? Easy, when in doubt, shut up. 

Happy talking monster, happy talking 

Walk into Abundance

Happy New Year monster. I can not believe that it is already 2013. This time last year I was making resolutions, cleaning out my life, praying for breakthroughs and believing God for new adventures and circumstances. 2012 had its fair share of trials, heart aches, blessings, answered prayers and life changing moments. I am looking forward to the adventures of 2013. 




    So have you made your resolutions yet? Are you sticking with them, or have they already fallen to the wayside. Many people vow to lose weight, get their house organized, start something new, get rid of a bad habit, or get their finances in order. What have you vowed to do in 2013? Anything? Let me offer a suggestion. In 2013 get rid of the lack in your life. Vow to walk in abundance in all things. Tell yourself that this will be the year that you lack for nothing, nothing lacking in your relationships, your career, your home and most importantly your finances. Vow that 2012 is the last year you will ever refer to yourself as broke, unable, not financially solvent, or in a recession. After all your a Child of the Most High and He has promised to meet all your needs, to provide for you, to open doors for you, to bless you. So why as His child should you be walking around in debt, or in lack? 

People get really skittish when you put God and money in the same sentence. It is almost as if they are ashamed to ask the Lord to bless them in this way. It is as if they don't believe that He will or that it is wrong.  Get rid of this thinking monster. God knows what you need, He wants you to have what you need. So go ahead, ask Him. Oh one thing, monster, there is a catch. Yup, you knew there would be, nothing is free right? What is the catch? God wants your life. He wants you to obey Him and to live according to His standards. He wants you to Love Him with all you are, and to love your neighbor. Oh and God wants you to bless others, to give so that you can receive, oh and one more thing, He wants you to tithe. Told you there was a catch. 

Tithe, such a small word, yet it is one of the most debated topics of the church.  People will stop going to church because they are asked to tithe, they will argue about how much and how often they should tithe, they will even argue that it is an Old Testament "thing" and something they no longer have to practice. I am not here to debate theology or church doctrine or any of  that. I really don't care what you believe or what your choose to do.  I am just  here to challenge you. I challenge you to try it, I did and I am more blessed in my finances then ever before. So, monster do you want to take the 2013 challenge. 

Here is what it looks like. Let's go to the Word. In the book of Malachi God challenges us to prove Him. It is the only place in the Bible where He tells us it is ok to test Him. 
Will man rob God? Yet you are robbing me. But you say, ‘How have we robbed you?’ In your tithes and contributions. You are cursed with a curse, for you are robbing me, the whole nation of you. Bring the full tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. And thereby put me to the test, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you a blessing until there is no more need. I will rebuke the devourer for you, so that it will not destroy the fruits of your soil, and your vine in the field shall not fail to bear, says the Lord of hosts. Then all nations will call you blessed, for you will be a land of delight, says the Lord of hosts. Malachi 3: 8-12

 What does this mean for you monster? God owns everything in this world and in the Heavens. He is the reason you are able to draw breath every day and go to work. He has blessed you with a job and an income and He asks that to honor him you give him a mere 10% of that. Right off the top, before you pay bills, buy a cheeseburger, pay your rent, pay yourself. You get to keep the other 90%.  You will find that the 90% will begin to stretch further and further. You will find that you have more money to do what you need to do, so much more that you can begin to do what you want to do. 

I stated earlier that everything is already the Lords', “Every tithe of the land, whether of the seed of the land or of the fruit of the trees, is the Lord's; it is holy to the Lord. Leviticus 27:30  Tithing reminds us that it is His. That is is His favor, His Grace, His Will that is allowing you to earn your money in the first place. It humbles you monster. By keeping Him first and knowing that it is from Him, pride cannot creep in. Nor can greed. Money is not the problem, The love of money is. By returning your tithe to the Lord, you are saying Lord I love you more then this money. "For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs" 1Timothy 6:10.  It was the love of money that sent the young man away when he was seeking to follow Jesus. (Luke 18) It was not that he was rich and had many things it was that his many things had him. They had become his idols, they had usurped the place in his heart that belonged to God. 



The second part of the 2013 plan is to give. You cannot be a miser monster. Remember I told you in an earlier blog that God blesses you, not for yourself, but for others. You are the means by which God carries out His plans in the world. When you give your time, your skills, your talent and yes your money to help further the church you are doing God's work in the world.  Be smart in this monster. I am not saying to just give your money away. Take a look at your church whether you are a member or thinking about joining it. Look at what they are doing locally and globally with their missions. Listen to the pastor. Is he preaching the Gospel, the word as inspired by the Holy Spirit and not himself/herself. Is it a ministry where your spirit is being fed. If it is not you need to keep looking for the right church, the right ministry. Once you find it you will know. Then you  can begin sowing into that ministry with your time, your talents and yes, your tithes and offerings. The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. 2 Corinthians 9:6 It is important that in all your giving you give with a willing heart and spirit. That you do not begrudge your offering. God loves a cheerful giver. This goes back to Cain and Abel. Abel loved God, He gave the best he had and was pleasing to God. Cain gave grudgingly, he gave the leftovers and he became jealous when he saw how God blessed his brother. So much so that Cain murdered his brother. If you are going to give unwillingly or just to get something in return or to be seen giving by others, it is best to not give at all. 

The Bible offers even more on giving, tithing and how to deal with money. Get to reading monster you can't expect me to tell you everything. I will add this. In order to get out of debt, out of lack and walk in abundance you will have to work. You will have to work physically, you will have to pray and ask God to bless you, you will have to exercise your faith and believe that all your bills will be taken care of and trust that God will do what he says He will. "Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” Luke 6:38

One last piece of wisdom when dealing with your finances this year, "Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed." Romans 13:7

Prosper, monster, prosper. 

Growing Pains

     Hey monsters, It has been awhile since I dropped some wisdom on you. But like all truth seekers know you have to go through some tests to get a testimony, and through some mess to get a message, so now that I have passed some tests, waded through some mess, let's get to the message.

           Let's talk about growing pains. I have been experiencing them lately, and I am sure you have to. After all you have been working on you. Cleaning out your past locker, healing what needs to be healed, basking in the blessings, congratulations monster you are growing. Growing is a great thing. It is an awesome thing. I know that I felt about 2 feet tall when I was in my most recent between time. I wasn't working, I lived back home with my mom, and I was so far from my dreams they didn't even feel like mine anymore. The between time is a scary time, it is a time when God strips away all the crutches we hang on too. He strips away all the things that we think define us, make us, give us a place in the world we have built for ourselves. This is not for your harm monster, but for your best. God needs to strip away all the outer things, all the external things, all the superficial things to teach us that without them we are still His.
Psalm 139:13-16 
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."




 We are created in His Image. We learn that we are not defined by who we know, who we date, how much we make, where we work, live, etc. We learn that we are sufficient and complete and that all that stuff, all those people don't get to define us. We are enough. God has seen to that. He has planned us, and our lives, even though we may drift from where we need to be He still has a purpose and a plan for us.
Ephesians 2:10  "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Thus we begin to grow.

    The downside to growing is of course things start to not fit. Things get tight, they don't look right, sound right,  act right, there is not enough room, its not good enough. The "it" in any of these sentences can be replaced with anything, your relationship, your friendship, your home life, your job, your whatever. It does not fit anymore. You are growing. Its time to move on, to find where you fit, to find with who you fit, don't worry you won't have to actually look for any of this God has a great way of bringing the right fits into your life. Not to beat a dead horse but like I said before He has a plan for you. So what do you do when you have all this growth going on in your life? You're moving forward, you're learning, you're becoming but everything around you is stagnant, its not growing, its not changing, its getting tight, it doesn't feel right, etc.
Two words, move forward. Monster, it's time to move forward. It's time to let go

        Here is what it looks like. You are hanging with all your old friends, and nothing they say interests you, the life they are living, that they used to live with you feels awkward. You don't party like you used to, you don't gossip, you don't fight, you don't do a lot of things you used to so they feel like you have changed, like you think your better so in order to fit in you pretend to go along. You become a master of pretending to be who you used to be just so they feel comfortable. Until now. Now they irritate you, you would rather be anywhere else but there. You have no desire to pretend any longer, you move on.
How about this one monster, you have an ok job, one where they don't expect too much of you, and you don't expect that much of yourself. It is a good job but you know you can do better, you know that you have the skills, the talent and the drive to do so much more. What do you do? Move forward.

Its is scary to move forward, you are comfortable, it feels safe, it is a place, person, situation that you know, but it just doesn't fit the new you. God has intended you for greatness. Good enough is not enough. Those pains your feeling, those irritants, insecurities, temper tantrums, they are all part of your growth, monster. You don't need the safety of your situation anymore, it's time to move forward. Trust me, your ready, God has and is preparing you for the next stage in your life. Grab it monster. Move forward. There is a story in the bible about a lame man who could not walk. Jesus healed him. The man had a choice he could stay where he was, fully healed, fully restored, with an entire future before him of he could get up, move forward and walk into his future. "Jesus said to him, “Get up, take up your bed, and walk.” John 5:8 

Monster, pick up your bed, and walk, better yet leave that old bed right where it is and walk away. Move Forward.

It's Not Above Your Pay Grade.

Hello there monsters. How is the faith walk going?

   Lately I have been hearing a lot of people talk about what they would like to do, what they wish they were able to do, what they would do when God blesses them with a position, status, etc. I don't know about God, but I am sick of hearing about all the good people would do if. If they were a prayer leader, pastor, choir director, if they knew their Bible better, if they were allowed to preach, to teach, to lead, they would do so much good. If they had more money, more time, if someone would just notice all the good that they have to share. If this, if that, if if if if if. I am so sick of If.  They honestly believe that they have to be "in a position" to do something. What position are they waiting for? Exactly what position do you have to have to do good? Is there such a thing as a do gooder position? I think not. People get caught up in status and titles and positions, especially in the church. The truth is that we are so busy striving to be somebody, that we are not helping anybody.
 I believe they are making excuses to not do anything at all. I know that God uses all people, the lowest to the highest to do His will in the earth. In fact the Bible is filled with stories of ordinary folk doing extraordinary things. So what is your excuse?


      You probably are scratching your head now, after all the Bible is full of heroes, Great men and women of God. Look a little closer. These patriarchs and matriarchs of the Bible were just regular folk, regular folk that did extraordinary things. Abraham was a gentile, called out from his people to become the father of the Jewish nation. Moses was a child of slaves, adopted and then exiled by the Egyptians. He was a sheep herder and a self proclaimed poor speaker who led the Israelites out of slavery. Rahab was a prostitute, a foreign woman, an enemy of Israel who would be the mother of Boaz and in turn an ancestor of Jesus.   Ruth, her future daughter in law was also a foreigner, a widow, and poor. David was the youngest and the least of Jesse's sons. He was deeply flawed but his heart and his faith delighted the Lord and he was one of the greatest kings and writer of the Psalms. Samson was an ordinary man with a drinking problem, a terrible anger management issue and a predilection for picking the wrong women.  Joseph was the youngest son and sold into slavery by his own brothers, God used him to not only save the Israelites from famine but the Egyptians as well. Esther was just a simple Jewish girl placed in a beauty pageant when the king tired of his wife. She was able to save her people from laws that would destroy them. The disciples were a rag tag bunch of fishermen, peasants, and a tax collector. This list could go on for days but we will stop here. The point, monster, is that God does not need you to be in a "position" in order to use you. He can use you just as you are right where you are.

We put so much emphasis on what we do, what position we hold in our jobs, our society, our churches and our organizations. We look for people to validate us, to show us that we are important and have influence. 1 Corinthians 1: 27-29 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.  He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things--and the things that are not--to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. The truth is God uses you, He does not care about your position, what others think of you, how important you are or how many people read your blog.  All God needs is a willing heart, a faithful spirit, and hands that are willing to work. So monster, you can stop waiting for your if moment and do it now. Volunteer now, feed the hungry now, donate now, start up a prayer group now, begin a bible study, whatever it is that God has put on your heart to do He has already given you the means to do it. Don't sit there a moment longer holding on  to your if, do good now.

Go forth monster and do good.

What about your friends?

     Hey Monster, how has the fight against hate been going. I have been doing my part, and I will admit that is an uphill battle! It is so much easier to see and comment on the negative then it is to see and appreciate the positive.  We are going to switch it up a bit and talk about the people you have been keeping company with. The people that speak into your life, whether for your good or your ill. Take a good look at the people in your life, are they celebrating your life or are they some of your biggest haters?

    You may have noticed that along your journey you may have lost a few traveling companions. People you used to hear from on a regular basis drop out of sight. You find that the people that were drawn to you when you were at your lowest, or worst begin to disappear. You may even encounter that people you have know nearly your whole life, or at least for a large chunk of it, start to look at you strange. They are noticing the changes you are making in your life, they are seeing what God is doing and they really could care less. They look at your past, and want to keep you there. They laugh at the "new" you and try to discourage any positive growth. They want you to stay the way you were, you know the way they remember you. Here is what it looks like monster.

    You were always the girl with tons of drama, you partied, you drank, you were up for last minute trips anywhere. You had lots of guys, lots of heartbreak, lots of bad breaks. You could sit for hours talking about all your drama, and they could shake their heads and commiserate with you, while secretly enjoying your pain. Why? Because they could tell themselves, "at least I am not her".  The thing about getting over your past and moving forward is that sometimes people need to be left in the past as well. They will never see you as anything other then what you used to be. No matter how much you have changed, what you have learned or how far you have traveled you will always be the "old you" to them. 

Be careful of this monster. You will be tempted to live up to their low expectations. They will encourage you to revel in the bad behaviors of the Before, and they will rejoice in your backsliding. Or maybe you have made some new friends, maybe they remind you of the way you used to be. You think that you could be a good influence on them, after all you have come so far, you know so much. The danger of this is that you are new at this new life thing. They are more likely to draw you into their mess then you are to draw them out. 1 Corinthians 15:33 Be not deceived: evil companions corrupt good morals. 
Proverbs 24 is full of warnings about becoming friends with people who are evil, who speak deceitfully, who plot against others, who lie in wait for trouble, who are foolish. In other words it is like my grandma used to say birds of a feather flock together. Take a good hard look at the people in your life, is it time to let some of them go? You never stop loving them, praying for them , treating them with respect, but you should be careful about the time you spend with them, what secrets of the heart you entrust to them, and what influence you allow them to have in your life. 

Words are powerful and you have been working hard at controlling the words you use, the thoughts you harbor in your heart and what you speak into your life. Doesn't it make sense to limit the words and thoughts that others speak into your life, especially when they are not for your highest good? 
You have been doing such a good job cleaning out your life, getting rid of the junk, and filling your heart with the gifts of the spirit, now it is time to clean up your friendship roster. I wish you well in this monster and I pray that once they are gone God will send you the right people to share your life with.  In fact I know he will. He has already started filling my life with people who genuinely care for me, who celebrate with me, who speak truth and love into my life.  God is a God of relationship. He wants to have a relationship with you, and He wants you to have great relationships with others. 
Today, monster, I pray that for you. 

Hating.... A Global Epidemic

    Hey there monsters. I hope you have been celebrating. Celebrating yourself, and celebrating with others. I know it may seem difficult at first, but the more you share love and joy with others, the more you will experience love and joy in your own life. It is important, love. It is probably the greatest power in the universe, in fact the Word says that it is. (1Corinthians 13:13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.) 

   The world would have you believe that love is weak. that it is conditional, flaky, transient, untrustworthy, and something that can be earned and revoked. The world is not so good at loving, in fact it seems that the world's favorite pastime is hating. They don't call it hating, that would be too obvious. It is disguised as commentary, humor, blogging, criticizing, joking, laughing, tabloids and entertainment. We wait for people to mess up, to break up, to wear the wrong thing, say the wrong thing, etc. just so we can "discuss" them.  The word "haters" has entered our vocabulary seamlessly and has made itself at home in our daily lives. Go ahead and admit it monster, you have hated on somebody. Maybe you knew them personally, maybe you just watch them on t.v. but somewhere, sometime you have hated! Go ahead and admit it. I know you have, I have too. It doesn't seem so bad when its strangers, or people you really don't like, in fact you can fix it up and say your only talking about their behavior and not them. Fix it up anyway you want. Hating is hating. 

   Just so you know, everything you put out into the world will come back to you! Don't be surprised if someone is hating on you right now.  If you have been hated on you have probably posted some type of rebuttal on Facebook or Twitter, encouraging them to continue hating, to say what they want, it sounds good. It sounds like the right thing to do. We are supposed to accept that people hate us, it has become a badge of honor. It feeds our ego, it lets us know that in a world where people post their every thought and movement, someone, somewhere is envious of you. Shame monster, shame.  Take a look at what you say about people, about situations, about everything. What you say, becomes what you believe, what you believe you think on, what you think on takes up residence in your heart, and what is in your heart comes out of your mouth. "As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man." proverbs 27:19 It is a  vicious cycle.  It is time to break it. 

   You cannot claim to love God, to love your neighbor and be a "hater". It is time to get control of your mouth. I said it! Put a muzzle on it! That's catchy maybe i will put it to music, make up a dance and win a VMA. Just kidding but I still mean it. It is time to think before you speak. Ephesians 4:29 tells us to not let corrupting talk come out of our mouths, Proverbs is full of wisdom about not speaking foolishly about others, the New Testament is overflowing with verses that teach us how to love and talk and treat each other. It is time to put all that teaching into practice. 

It starts with you, go from being a hater, to a lover. Speak kindness or remain silent. Don't join in the global epidemic of hate, be the cure. 

I Am Sooo Happy For You......Really?

       Happy Tuesday Monsters.  Today we are going to focus on joy and happiness. No not your joy and happiness but others joy. Yup I am asking you to step out of your little bubble and take a look at the lives of those around you, your friends, your family, your co-workers, etc. Are they happy? Are they enjoying life? Are they celebrating something. Bigger question, are you celebrating with them? Are you capable of being happy, genuinely happy for the good fortune of others? 

   Take a minute. Your first instinct will be to say "yes, of course, I am not a hater". Stop and take a deeper look. What is the first thought that comes into your mind when someone shares their good news with you? Of course your happy, but somewhere is there a voice saying "what about me?" How do you feel when a promotion you worked so hard for goes to your friend? What about when the perfect guy you have been crushing on for weeks, takes a liking to your frenemy? Or maybe you have been trying for a child for so long and your sister gets pregnant at the drop of a hat. Just think about something that you are working towards, striving for, reaching for, that is just around the corner, you are almost there, and when you look around everyone else seems to be getting it quicker than you, easier than you.  Can you celebrate with them? Really with your whole heart, do you wish them well or is a piece of you still saying "it's not fair, when will it be me"?

Its O.K.  It happens.  We all have those feelings. But now monster, now is the time to deal with them, to put them away and to really learn to be happy for others. The first step in that is to know within yourself that their good fortune and blessings do not detract from yours. You are not missing out. You are not coming up short, and that there is no shortage to the goodness of God. Take that step and get rid of the lie that tells you that you are not ever going to have what it is you want. 

The next step to really sharing in the joy of others is to stop drinking the hater-aid. Hater-aid is real its like Kool-aid only instead of sugar its laced with bitterness. We have all drank some in our time. We have all secretly thought that we were better, smarter, cuter, faster, whatever then the other person. We have all at one time or another taken pleasure in hating on somebody or on what they have done.  Quit it. Put down the glass.  With every sip you take you are blocking your own blessings. Bitterness poisons the drinker.  I am going to take this a step further and extend it to the people you don't really like. Your "enemies", your haters, your nay sayers, etc. You don't have to party with them and send them flowers but you should be happy for them, and not resent them. I know I am asking a lot of you monster, but it is only for your own good. 

 Romans 12:15- 21 tells us what we are supposed to do. "Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation. Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord. “BUT IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM, AND IF HE IS THIRSTY,GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP BURNING COALS ON HIS HEAD.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” 

Before you get all excited about the heaping of burning coals line, you have to know that it refers to the Love of God. Those coals are Love. God calls us to him with love. He uses love to convict us, to draw us, to chastise us, to bring us into His will. So you forget the images of God torturing your enemies for you. Sorry, monster.  Oh and the whole evil line that is for your haters, and you. You are going to have to do good to them, for them and love them. Sorry. 

   So now that we have cleared up some things, are you really happy about other people's blessings? Don't worry if your not, it will take some time, some prayer, and some getting into your Word. It will happen, and you monster, will be better for it. When  you get to a place where you can truly be happy for others you open up the floodgates in your own life. God is a God of relationship. He wants you to have good relationships with others, He wants to have a great relationship with you. The two are intrinsically intertwined. Jesus commanded us to Love God with our whole hearts, and to love our neighbors as ourselves. You cannot do one and ignore the other. 

So today monster, find someone, anyone, and share in their joy. Practice it daily. Until next blog, I'm happy for you and congratulations on whatever it is you accomplish today. 

Hungry for something? Feed your Spirit!!

    Hey Monsters, miss me? I missed you. Just wanted to give you some time to work on your truth. It is hard work dealing with yourself. A lot of heavy lifting, examining, and cleaning. Enough to make you want to sleep  just thinking about it. I don't know about you but when I have a large project to do I throw on some music and attack that project head on. I tear apart the entire space and put it back together again. A few hours and your done.  It is not that way when your working on yourself. You need to stop and take breaks. Emotional baggage is difficult to clean up, sort through, and deal with. Some people take to keeping a journal, or spend hours meditating and doing yoga, others sift through their physical past and relive each moment. Whatever you choose to do it is not easy. It is draining. If it was easy most of the people walking around today would not have so many issues and thousands of therapists, counselors, and life coaches would be out of work. Come to think of it, I would have nothing to write about. Good thing for me, you, monster have issues. Even better news is your willing and able to work them out.

 So what do you need to refuel with when your working on your mind and spirit? I am glad you asked. You need to feed your spirit with spirit! Yup, just like with exercise you need to fuel your physical body to get optimum results, the same goes for your spirit. No cheating, no filling up on junk food. You got to get the good stuff. You, monster are going to have to tap into the wisdom of the ages, starting with your Bible! Yup I said it, The Bible. If you are even the least bit intimidated by it start in Psalms, nothing but praise to the Almighty in every one! ( It is a good place to start if you want to learn how to pray too. There has been many a day when I just read one Psalm and meditate on it for the rest of the day. It's good stuff. Some more food for your spirit, read inspirational stories of women you admire, go to the library and check out books from Iyanla Vanzant, Joyce Meyer, T.D. Jakes, Creflo Dollar, Paula White, Joel Olsteen, the list is endless, just hang out in the Christian section and I guarantee you will find something that will call to you. It is calling to your spirit! Feed your spirit.

Daily life is constantly draining from you, people, work, children, life. They all take from you. It is important to set aside some time each day to refill. You are no fun when your drained, you lack vitality, energy, love, and patience. Life becomes a trial instead of a joy. When your spirit is on E, you are not good for anyone let alone yourself. So next time you have that empty feeling inside, that gnawing ache that is not filled with food or water, listen to it. It is your spirit asking for a snack. Well don't just sit there fill it up .

Just because it's a fact...doesn't mean it's true

     Happy Monday monsters. Did you know that the more blogs you read the smarter you get?  Also, if you are a single woman in her mid to late 30's you are more likely to never have a child. Did you know that there is a shortage of men, and that 60% of women will never get married? Hey, did you hear that 59% of children that grow up in single family homes will be more likely to raise their own children in a single parent home? Did you know that 57% of African American men admitted to actively seeking a woman of another culture/ethnicity to marry?  Shockingly 67% of black women will not ever marry regardless of age or economic status, and that these same women are more likely to have children out of wedlock?
     67% of men say that they have cheated on their partner. In a recent survey white women were considered the most desirable in a marriage partner, with Asian making a close second, followed by Hispanic, Other, Mixed race and Black coming in last. A recent "study" found that overweight women are more likely to be single, short men prefer taller women, and a man regardless of his looks, weight or height will have a better chance of marrying if he makes six figures or more. On the contrary a woman making six figures or more, no matter how beautiful she may be, will either have to settle or be single.  Or how about this one, 48% of all the people reading this blog believe at least one of the above stated "facts" is true.

       Sorry to disappoint you but most of what is stated above I just made up. Not off the top of my head or anything just purely based on the random opinions and unscientific polls that are conducted in women's magazines, online surveys, and random overheard conversations that women have on a regular basis. You can come up with a statistic on just about anything, and most people will believe it. Hey who can argue with math? I barely passed my statistics class but I know that you can slant your results by polling a targeted group versus a totally random one. I am just saying, you can make a fact about pretty much anything, it just doesn't make it the truth.

    While you have been busy cleaning out your life and your mind you have found that you have more room, some empty space waiting to be filled. Be careful monster an empty space is still a place. A place where you begin storing stuff. Thoughts, ideas, facts, experiences. In the Between you need to be vigilant about guarding these now clean and empty spaces. You need to be careful about what you allow to take up this space. We all plan to only fill our lives with things that edify us. That teach us a better way to live, to think, to act etc. Your main source should be your Bible, but realistically we fill those spaces with things that look good, like self help books, random advice, talk shows and magazine articles. Hey we are working on ourselves after all I told you to read, to learn and to grow. Yes I did. I neglected to tell you to edit and filter what you  are putting in yourself. I am sorry. It was only Revealed to me on my daily torture session, oops I mean exercise session.

   Just because something may be a "fact" does not make it true. Our media is meant to inform us, but mostly it circulates fears and insecurities. It sells millions of copies  each month selling fear. Are you eating the right things, wearing the right things, do you measure up to the beautiful images of women between its covers, do you know how to keep your man satisfied, Do you know how to get the right job, apartment, man?
 The list goes on and on. Worse they put out polls on nearly everything. My question is who are they asking? Where are they getting their facts, and what does it have to do with the truth?

Don't throw them out, you do not have to quit reading them, you don't have to turn off your talk shows, but you do need to quit having a steady diet of them. Most importantly you need to filter any and all information you may get from them. This is what it looks like.

     On one of my jogs I saw an attractive man walking by. He smiled and kept going and out of nowhere all these thoughts bombarded me. Thoughts that went a lot like this. "Hmmm, I am over 30, everybody knows that as you get older it is harder to date. Maybe  I was too fat, guys don't like women with too many curves. Yeah I am a single mom guys don't want to have to raise a kid that is not his. (how he could possibly know that I was a mom did not even enter into my thoughts.), I am not even on his radar, He probably doesn't like black women. And a whole lot of other mess that I will not share with you. In reality the guy probably never gave me another thought as he went past, while I was beating my self up with all the facts I had gleaned from media and other misinformed women. Lucky for me I tripped. While I was physically tripping, the Holy Spirit informed me that I was mentally tripping and to cut it out immediately.

So I cut it out. I told myself out loud the truth. The Truth is I am a Child of the Most High God. That I am fine just the way I am. That it does not matter what man says about me. That I am fearfully and wondrously made, that God has a plan for me, that He knows the desires of my heart.  That all these "facts" were not the Truth. That I needed to have a better filter on the things I allowed into my mind. I also knew that I had to examine each of these "facts" find their source and eliminate them. So I rarely watch talk shows, I turn off all those reality shows that show women as mistreated, spoiled, chronically single, over dramatic, unloved and unlovable. Yup I had to clean out my Tivo. More importantly I had to discard these "facts" and find the Truth about me.

   As long as you hold on to the "facts" you cannot know the truth. So monster today, examine all the "facts" about yourself and your situation and figure out if they are the Truth. I can guarantee that most of the '"facts" you believe about yourself are not true at all. Throw them out. After all everybody knows the Truth will set you free.

Be free monster, be free.

Fuggedaboudit....Forgive them, all of them

       Hope your loving your Wednesday monsters. I am about to go dance in the rain. Yup that is how I get my joy on. Don't forget that today is the day to get your joy on too. So Dance, but not yet, read this first, then dance. So please excuse the liberty that I have taken with my spelling. In other words I am asking for your forgiveness. That was easy. Most of the time it is not. It is hard to admit when you were wrong, doubly  so when you feel that you are not wrong.
        Forgiveness is a funny creature. There are some situations where it readily appears, like forgiving me my spelling mistakes. There are other situations where finding it is near impossible, like in the case of a broken heart, or a betrayal of trust. It is even harder to forgive when it is not really an action but perhaps a conduct or behavior or word that has given you offense. While you are in your Between time you have been cleaning out your stuff. Looking at the past and the people in it. You have probably found some situations and some people that you have been offended by. I know I have. I have probably even held a grudge. Or two. O.k. maybe a dozen or so. Well what do you do? Some of these things happened long ago, maybe you don't even know where the offender is, or perhaps you told them you forgave them already, even though a small kernel of unforgiveness lives in your heart. What then? Is it really a big deal, after all its the past and the past cannot hurt you, right?

The past may not be able to reach out and slap you, but it will hinder you from moving into the Next. That little piece of unresolved issue can grow into a huge pile of unresolved issues. It will affect how you deal with future similar situations, it will affect how you treat people, it will poison your relationships and it will open up the floodgates that will water the bitterness you have been so successful in rooting out. So, yeah it is a big deal.

Forgiveness is not about the other person. It is about you. Chances are they don't even know or care that they have hurt or offended you. They are not losing any sleep and skipping happily along with their life. Unaware and most likely totally oblivious to your pain. Nope, monster it is not for them it is for you. You are going to have to dig deep for this one. It is going to take some work and it may not happen over night, but if you are active, willing, and loving enough it will happen . You must forgive everyone and everything that has caused you to be in the Between, this includes yourself. You are going to have reach in deep and be truly honest. Your decisions, choices, and actions are what got you here. Forgive yourself. Embrace yourself, love yourself , take the lesson the universe is showing you and then forgive yourself. This part is easy. Well kind of easy, on to the heavy lifting.

Take a breath and go back to each situation where you have been hurt or offended by someone else. It doesn't matter if you were close to them or if it was the guy who took your parking spot, or the last seat on the bus. Picture them in your head, smile and forgive them. Then let it go. For people who you love/loved this may take several tries. You will have to check in every once in awhile with your feelings to make sure that you have truly forgiven them. Why is this important? Because sweet one, you will continue to draw the same type of situations and people into your life that will mirror the hurt and pain until you deal with it. Talk about Deja Vu.

What does this look like. We will use an easy example. Men. You are looking back on all your past relationships and you start to see a pattern, All the men you date have the same physical attributes, same type of personality, same type of vibe about them. That could just be chalked up to what you like, so let's dig deeper. As you look at all your relationships they all seem to have been emotionally or physically unavailable. Maybe it was physical distance, maybe they worked or traveled, perhaps they were still involved with someone else. Doesn't matter. Now you have located the problem, you have seen how with hindsight all of them were doomed to fail. Well here is where forgiveness comes in. Forgive them for being who they were and forgive yourself for picking them. Let it go. Now you can see that type coming and avoid them, lesson learned. Or, you can claim to be over it, and keep repeating the cycle over and over again. God will allow you to repeat this lesson as many times as it takes. Let it go. Forgive all of them. Write their names on a piece of paper and throw it in a lake, rip it up and scatter it. Let them go, thank them for the lesson and move on.

Be aware that once you have done this the Universe will test you. I will put you in situations that are similar it will send you people who remind you of. _____________, it will try to trick you and test you. You might fail. No, you will fail, first time out, after that it is cake, you will be able to laugh about it and recognize the next one instantly! lesson learned. You must practice this daily. Forgive them.

The most important reason to forgive is that in the Bible it clearly states they we are forgiven. As undeserving as we may be God is able and willing to forgive us. It also says that if we harbor any unforgiveness in our hearts that God will not forgive us. (Matt.6:14-15) You got to give, to get monster. Do not block your blessings and your prayers over petty man-made mess. Forgive and let go.  Now you get to work on that, I have to go out and sing in the rain. Save some time for your joy!