Death, Loss, and the Joy Promised in the Morning

   Good morning monsters, As I sit here watching the sun play across my windows I am reminded of one  simple joy we all take for granted, waking up. It is such a blessing to open your eyes and witness the birth of a new day. When we lay down at night we don't dream of not waking up, as we go about our day we don't focus on the millions of ways we could die, for many of us these thoughts never cross our mind. For those of us dealing with chronic illnesses, heart problems, debilitating illness, cancer, death or the thought of death; is our constant companion, he sits down with us, eats at our table, walks with us, looks over our shoulder and perches at the end of our bed. 


    Monster, I am not telling you this to cause you to fear, only to remind you of the greatest possession you have, Life. As we travel through life we lose people along the way, during the course of your journey you will lose someone you love, you will lose a whole host of loved ones. I am sorry monster, I am sorry for the pain and the hurt that you have felt, I am sorry for the pain you are feeling now, I am sorry for the future pain you will deal with later.   Death will come for all of us, but in the midst of this seeming darkness I want you to remember monster, that death though painful is not evil, it is not something to be feared, death has no power over us. 


  By all means, grieve, weep, and honor the memory of your loved one, but in your grief take comfort that it is not the end.  You will be sad, you will grieve there is no shame in this. After all when faced with coming to terms of his own death Jesus wept (John 11:35).
But monster in all your weeping there comes a time to remember that there is joy, there is an end to the pain. As Christians we are given hope. The word refers to death as sleeping, nothing more. "But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep." 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

   Monster, in your pain know that God is with you. He will comfort you, (2 Corinthians 1:3-4) He will Bless you, (Matthew 5:4) He will heal your broken heart. (Psalm 119:105) and he will be your strength. (Psalm 73:26). Know that this pain and hurt will diminish and you will be left with the love and wonderful memories of having shared even a moment with the one you have lost. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning (Psalm 30:5)


 

  In the church I grew up in we called it a Homegoing Celebration. We took joy and comfort in 2 Corinthians 5:8  which tells us that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. I have loved and lost those loves, and in the moment of my grief I was surrounded by people who loved me enough to remind me of these things that I have shared with you. I hope that they bring you peace monster, and shed a little light on your dark time. 

I wish you peace monster.

Be Still....He's Got You

      I have been on quite the hiatus when it comes to blogging. I used to blog daily, sharing my journey and my thoughts but recently I have been real quiet. Not just on the internet, but in my life too. Maybe a little too quiet. There is a time monster in all of our lives when we learn that it may be wiser to remain silent, prayerful, and still then it is talk and move forward. This is a hard lesson monster, especially for one such as me who is not used to having to guard my mouth. I have always been quick to talk and slow to think it through first. I have always shared my thoughts and opinions freely, I have been quick to display anger and impatience, but in my journey I have learned to be still. I am not going to say it is easy, monster, it is not. It will be the hardest thing you master, the hardest thing you will ever do. To be still, to allow the Lord to move, to make a way, to deal with your enemies, to fight your battles while you are still, will be the hardest but the most rewarding experience of your walk.

    What do I mean by being still. I am not talking about inaction, or sitting back waiting on things I am talking about moving forward on your path, doing the work you have been called to do. You are still praying, you are still in your Word, you are still doing you. So how is that being Still? When I say be still it means not to pay attention to the distractions that are going to arise. As you walk with the Lord you will be blessed. You will get the job you have been praying for, get that breakthrough in your life you have been working towards, you will be enjoying all the blessings that come with it and while your enjoying it, the enemy is throwing things in your path to make you stumble. The enemy will throw people at you, situations, etc. to make you falter, to make you question and to ultimately make you leave your path. Don't give in monster, no matter what comes at you, be still, knowing that God has already worked it out. 

Here is what it looks like. You have finally gotten the job you have been praying for. You are happy, you are making lots of money, you are finally able to be the blessing you always wanted to be. Everything is great until it is not. Your car breaks down, your babysitter quits, and your co-worker is throwing so much shade at you she could be an oak tree. I mean seriously, what is wrong with her that she is constantly bad mouthing you, undermining you and basically making your dream job a nightmare. What do you do? Do you throw a fit, tell her where she needs to go and how to get there? Or do you be still. 

Scenario 2. You are finally in the relationship you have been praying about. You have met the man you are going to marry. You pray together, you go to church together, you are actively building a life together.  You are happy and you expect the others around you to be happy as well.... yeah not so much. Your getting advice from this one and that one, everyone has an opinion, some think your moving too fast, some don't like him, some just liked you better single who knows but everywhere you turn you find a new opinion. What do you do? 
Scenario 3. You are finally getting your degree, you have made it into the program, everything is great until it is not. You don't like your study group, your classes are not available, the books are too much, your job is tripping about all the time you have been requesting off. You are distracted by everything going on around you what do you do? 

Be still monster. I don't know what your dealing with in your life, but I know at times it can be stressful, You have so many things pulling at you, people talking into your life, everyday stresses and set backs and you just want to fire back. Be still. Psalm 46:10 "Be Still and Know that I am God."  simply means that you don't have to do anything. You don't have to defend yourself from attack. Exodus 14:14 The LORD shall fight for you, and you shall hold your peace. Hold on to your peace monster. You don't have to tell that chick where to go, you don't have to fight and argue with your family, you don't have to do anything. You can be still knowing that the battle is the Lord's and that no weapon formed against you will prosper. You can relax and bathe in the light that tells us that All things work together for the good of them who love the Lord. This monster is being still. Keep doing what your doing. all these obstacles and trials tell you is that you are heading in the right way. So next time someone throws some dirt your way, don't worry, God has got your back. 

I wish you stillness monster. 

Malarkey, Balderdash, Hogwash and other Foolishness

   

 Happy Tuesday Monsters, how is the taming of the tongue going? Harder then you thought huh? I have been practicing being silent, I have been absent on twitter and face book, I have not responded to the off the wall posts that we call social media, I have smiled and nodded rather then engage in conversations at work. I have thought before I spoke and become a woman of few words. For now. I don't know about you but I am bursting to tell other people to shut up!  I mean really when your quiet, you start to really take notice of the chatter going on around you. All that chatter, all the tweets, all the updates, even the face to face convos are full of mess. I said it. Foolishness! Mess, and yes to quote Biden, "malarkey." As people we say a whole lot of nothing. Think of all that air pollution. I look back on some of my own chatter, tweets and status updates and wish I could have back all the millions of seconds I wasted telling people how much i love sunshine, go bulls, and "liking" of random stuff. If I had all those seconds back I could be making history instead of posting about it on my face book page.

       The most important thing I learned during my forced silence is not to argue with fools.

Unfortunately I seem to know quite a lot of fools. I am sure you do too, in fact you may be a fool right now. The good news is you do not have to stay one. When I say foolish  I don't mean stupid or ignorant (Though my face book friend list seems to have an abundance of them also) I mean people who don't think before they speak. People who make great business decisions but horrible personal ones. People who make excellent personal ones and horrible business ones. People who for the most part are smart, kind, loving, until they sit in front of a keyboard, then all their foolishness shows. People who just have wrong thinking about a whole host of things. That is the foolishness I am speaking on.

    Don't get me wrong monster we are all at times  foolish.We have all made foolish choices, made foolish statements, and just in general acted a fool at one time or another. However there should come a time when we let all that foolishness go. There should come a time when our appetite for it diminishes and disappears, a time that as we walk in the Light, we become wiser. We should at some point stop looking to our education, our friends, our experiences etc and look to the Lord and ask for wisdom. The wisdom to do right, act right, think right, choose better friends, choose better dates, choose better jobs and lifestyles. Eventually in our walk with God we should be able to move past the foolishness.

    Let me share some random conversations and posts I have come across in my pondering on fools and foolishness.  Foolishness is what keeps you in a bad relationship yet you keep asking for advice. It is what makes you make snide comments about people, it makes you stay in a dead end job or spend your paycheck before you get it. Foolishness is buying 200 dollar gym shoes and your rent is due. Foolishness is doing the same ignorant thing over and over again and wanting different results. Foolishness is posting half naked pictures of yourself on the Internet and then beating your daughter for staying out all night with her boyfriend. Foolishness is arguing with someone who makes racist, sexist or bigoted comments on an anonymous forum. Foolishness is knowing what is right and not doing it. You starting to get the picture?

The world is full of foolishness, lucky for us we have the solution. The Word. The bible tells us that if anyone lacks wisdom, ask the Lord,(James 1:5) it tells us to put away childish behavior, ( 1 Corinthians 13:11) to cease from foolish talk(Ephesians 5:4) and to not hang around fools.(1 Corinthians 15:33) It is all there a whole manual on how to live, to be wise, to make wise choices. The only catch is you have to actually read it. The world is infected with foolishness and malarkey, you only have to turn on the television or the computer for that matter and you will be bombarded with reality shows full of people acting a fool, talk shows, news forums and programs that celebrate ignorance and vulgarity. You can be infected and spread it or you can be the cure. Foolishness has to stop with you. You choose how you speak, to whom you speak, and the content of your speech. So monster are you a fool. I would hope not, but just in case you may have a mild case of it, a good dose of the Word will clear that all up.

Be wise monster, be wise.

The Taming of the Tongue, Shut up already

   Happy February monsters. How is the love walk going? In case you haven't noticed I have not been blogging as much as I was. A part of that is I have been crazy busy juggling being a mom, planning a wedding, working and all the other things that make up a life. More importantly I have been working on me, specifically my mouth.  With day to day issues and frustrations it is easy to say things you don't mean, to talk about people and situations that annoy you, to gossip, to rant, and to make comments you may later regret. Yup with all the stuff going on in my life its easy to lose ground on the things I thought I had dealt with, my mouth being one of them. Lucky for you monster my slip ups make great topics for this blog.

    Throughout this blog and my journey I have discussed the importance of changing the way you think, guarding your heart, and speaking good things into your life. I seem to have overlooked the whole watching what you say thing, I mean it was easy to call out others on what they say, but myself not so much. In fact recently I have found myself so annoyed with the words coming out of the mouth of someone I loved, that I had to pause and see that God was placing a mirror in front of me. Yup, it was time to work on my mouth, after all what is the point of having pretty lips if every word that comes out of them is ugly? Ponder that monster, ponder that.

   

 So what should you not be saying, let's go to my favorite place, Proverbs. Proverbs is chuck full of wisdom, and a whole bunch of it is dedicated to watching your mouth. It talks about lying, bad mouthing, slander, gossip, foolish talking, deceitfulness, speaking out in anger, rash words, and even about when to shut up. The more I read it the more I realize that I could have saved myself a ton of drama just by being quiet. "Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble" Proverbs 21:23. We all know that lying is wrong, gossip is not so good and slander, slander you could be prosecuted for, or is it libel, either way you want to stay away from it."Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler." Proverbs 20:19 "A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends" Proverbs 16:28 Then there is the grey area. Sarcasm, dry wit, perverse speaking, etc. So basically the majority of my smart comments and mean but funny statements should never have been uttered. Harsh, but true.

        So what are we supposed to do monster, it's not like you can walk around with a muzzle on or a gag, so not fashionable. It is easy, it is time to shut up. Yup I said it, shut up. Next time you want to talk, make a comment, discuss someone, joke about something, shut up. Harsh huh? Before you speak think. Is what you are about to say a sword or not. Are you verbally murdering someone? Are you making a situation/conversation better or worse? Is it something you wouldn't mind saying to Jesus? The Bible says that we are to think about the good, the just, the lovely, if you are thinking these things then there is no room for the ugliness that can escape your lips. (Philippians 4:8) There are times when you think that your not really gossiping or your just telling your friend what you heard, the Bible also covers this. It says that love covers all things and a trustworthy friend will shield their friend from the hurt.

grace  

/grās/

Noun Simple elegance or refinement of movement.

Verb Do honor or credit to (someone or something) by one's presence.

Synonyms noun.   favour - favor - charm - elegance - mercy - gracefulness verb.   adorn - decorate - ornament - embellish - deck - bedeck

As for the snide comments and the off color jokes we are all guilty of enjoying, try this one on for size.  "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." Ephesians 4:29.  Grace, now there is word you don't hear often. In fact it has all but disappeared from our vocabulary, it is more then just a popular name for a little girl.  We as ladies should be gracious and kind. Unfortunately we seem to be a generation of mean girls we mistake cattiness for charm and mean spirited talking for wit. Do the words you use with others do honor or credit, is it a pleasure to be in your company, are you elegant, refined? According to the words you use and the content of your conversation, I would say no.  

So you see monster, you have great power in your tongue. It can be a sword, destroying and cutting at every turn or it can be a healer, a balm to the bruised, an instrument of peace, and a source of wisdom. You decide on what you want it to be. I still struggle with this, as I am sure you do. The good news is that you can master your mouth, it is as simple as shutting it. While it is shut get to reading, start with proverbs then do a search of all the verses that deal with your tounge. I did, I still do, It is a walk that we are on monster. This is just one step in it. So how do you  get started taming your tounge? Easy, when in doubt, shut up. 

Happy talking monster, happy talking 

Turn up the Light

    Hello monster, how is your love walk going. I know that my blogs usually focus on the inner you, on the spirit you, on the you who walks and talks with God. Today we will venture outside of ourselves a little bit. We will take a look at the world around us. Recently we have been assaulted with horrific events. Mass shootings across the country with the culmination of them being at Sandy Hook Elementary. There are no words for the loss of so many lives. There are no words to express the hurt and the pain that these events cause. It seems like no one is safe. That the innocent suffer and we are helpless during the onslaught of evil. We offer our prayers and thoughts to the families, we mourn as a nation. We look towards lawmakers, government, and others to protect us, to make this right, to stand in the darkness. We feel helpless against all the evil in the world, what else could it be but evil? 
   
This is not true monster. We are not powerless. We have a power beyond our power, a strength beyond our strength. We have dominion over the enemy, he is already defeated. It is time, time to shine monsters. We have a job to do, a calling, we are the light in this world, what good are we if we don't shine in the darkness. 

This blog, today, is a call to arms. This is why you have been praying, you have been working on you, you have been immersed in the Word. Not for yourself, but for the world. The world needs you monster. What makes you so special? so powerful? The God in you. God lives in you. He lives in the innermost part of you and He uses you to show his love and his power in this world. You are a warrior, you are Daniel in the lions' den, you are David with a sling, you are Joshua bringing down the walls, you are Moses, freeing your people, You are Esther, speaking out against injustice. You have been placed here, at this time to be a light. 
The world needs a savior like never before, you are not the savior but you are the light that shows the way to Him. 

Do you see how important you are? How powerful, do you see know why your life has been under attack? The enemy wants to keep you busy with all the drama that used to consume you. He wants to keep you distracted by those around you who are dragging you down. He uses fear to control your thoughts, to diminish you to make you unsure. Today I am telling you that it is he that should be afraid of you. Turn up your light. 

What does that mean? What do you mean light? You should stand apart. Apart from the darkness. You, monster shine because the Love of God lives in you, Faith, Hope, Kindness, Peace, Patience, and Goodness all reside in you. These are fruits of the spirit. When you show these attributes to the world when you practice them daily you are shining! The more you practice them, the more you make them part of your character the brighter you shine. With each act of kindness you push back the darkness, with each act of love you beat the enemy over the head, when you live what you believe you are a living, breathing, word of God. There are a multitude of verses in the Bible urging us to be the light, to put on the light, to walk in the light. The world is in darkness and it needs your light. Badly. 

Matthew 5:14 “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."

    Ephesians 5:8 For at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light" 

Romans 13:12 The night is far gone; the day is at hand. So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light.

1 Peter 2:9"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light"

Your mission, should you choose to accept it is to pray. Yup, that is all you have to do for now. Pray. All day, when you wake up, while your driving, while your working, in your quiet moments, during your loud moments, before you go to bed, while you brush your teeth. Pray. Get into talking to God. Bring all your mess to Him and leave it there. Eventually you will run out of things to talk about where it concerns your self. If this happens pray for those you know pray for their health and strength, pray blessings over their lives, pray for protection over them.
 When you run out of those people pray for your mailman, the lady who rang up your groceries, the guy you pass every day on the way to lunch, the lady in the cubicle next to you. Branch out and pray for complete strangers, your neighborhood, your workplace, your employer, your elected officials, your police officers, your firefighters. Are you getting this monster? 
Pray. For everyone. Make it a habit. While your praying do random acts of kindness. Be patient. Be loving, Be good. Be all the things you love and admire about God. You won't be perfect, no one expects you to, but you will be walking in love, you will be speaking love into the world, you monster will shine. If each and every one of us practiced this even for just a week how different would our world be. Changing the world starts with one person at a time. 

Be the light, monster, be the light. 

It's Not Above Your Pay Grade.

Hello there monsters. How is the faith walk going?

   Lately I have been hearing a lot of people talk about what they would like to do, what they wish they were able to do, what they would do when God blesses them with a position, status, etc. I don't know about God, but I am sick of hearing about all the good people would do if. If they were a prayer leader, pastor, choir director, if they knew their Bible better, if they were allowed to preach, to teach, to lead, they would do so much good. If they had more money, more time, if someone would just notice all the good that they have to share. If this, if that, if if if if if. I am so sick of If.  They honestly believe that they have to be "in a position" to do something. What position are they waiting for? Exactly what position do you have to have to do good? Is there such a thing as a do gooder position? I think not. People get caught up in status and titles and positions, especially in the church. The truth is that we are so busy striving to be somebody, that we are not helping anybody.
 I believe they are making excuses to not do anything at all. I know that God uses all people, the lowest to the highest to do His will in the earth. In fact the Bible is filled with stories of ordinary folk doing extraordinary things. So what is your excuse?


      You probably are scratching your head now, after all the Bible is full of heroes, Great men and women of God. Look a little closer. These patriarchs and matriarchs of the Bible were just regular folk, regular folk that did extraordinary things. Abraham was a gentile, called out from his people to become the father of the Jewish nation. Moses was a child of slaves, adopted and then exiled by the Egyptians. He was a sheep herder and a self proclaimed poor speaker who led the Israelites out of slavery. Rahab was a prostitute, a foreign woman, an enemy of Israel who would be the mother of Boaz and in turn an ancestor of Jesus.   Ruth, her future daughter in law was also a foreigner, a widow, and poor. David was the youngest and the least of Jesse's sons. He was deeply flawed but his heart and his faith delighted the Lord and he was one of the greatest kings and writer of the Psalms. Samson was an ordinary man with a drinking problem, a terrible anger management issue and a predilection for picking the wrong women.  Joseph was the youngest son and sold into slavery by his own brothers, God used him to not only save the Israelites from famine but the Egyptians as well. Esther was just a simple Jewish girl placed in a beauty pageant when the king tired of his wife. She was able to save her people from laws that would destroy them. The disciples were a rag tag bunch of fishermen, peasants, and a tax collector. This list could go on for days but we will stop here. The point, monster, is that God does not need you to be in a "position" in order to use you. He can use you just as you are right where you are.

We put so much emphasis on what we do, what position we hold in our jobs, our society, our churches and our organizations. We look for people to validate us, to show us that we are important and have influence. 1 Corinthians 1: 27-29 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.  He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things--and the things that are not--to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. The truth is God uses you, He does not care about your position, what others think of you, how important you are or how many people read your blog.  All God needs is a willing heart, a faithful spirit, and hands that are willing to work. So monster, you can stop waiting for your if moment and do it now. Volunteer now, feed the hungry now, donate now, start up a prayer group now, begin a bible study, whatever it is that God has put on your heart to do He has already given you the means to do it. Don't sit there a moment longer holding on  to your if, do good now.

Go forth monster and do good.

I Am Sooo Happy For You......Really?

       Happy Tuesday Monsters.  Today we are going to focus on joy and happiness. No not your joy and happiness but others joy. Yup I am asking you to step out of your little bubble and take a look at the lives of those around you, your friends, your family, your co-workers, etc. Are they happy? Are they enjoying life? Are they celebrating something. Bigger question, are you celebrating with them? Are you capable of being happy, genuinely happy for the good fortune of others? 

   Take a minute. Your first instinct will be to say "yes, of course, I am not a hater". Stop and take a deeper look. What is the first thought that comes into your mind when someone shares their good news with you? Of course your happy, but somewhere is there a voice saying "what about me?" How do you feel when a promotion you worked so hard for goes to your friend? What about when the perfect guy you have been crushing on for weeks, takes a liking to your frenemy? Or maybe you have been trying for a child for so long and your sister gets pregnant at the drop of a hat. Just think about something that you are working towards, striving for, reaching for, that is just around the corner, you are almost there, and when you look around everyone else seems to be getting it quicker than you, easier than you.  Can you celebrate with them? Really with your whole heart, do you wish them well or is a piece of you still saying "it's not fair, when will it be me"?

Its O.K.  It happens.  We all have those feelings. But now monster, now is the time to deal with them, to put them away and to really learn to be happy for others. The first step in that is to know within yourself that their good fortune and blessings do not detract from yours. You are not missing out. You are not coming up short, and that there is no shortage to the goodness of God. Take that step and get rid of the lie that tells you that you are not ever going to have what it is you want. 

The next step to really sharing in the joy of others is to stop drinking the hater-aid. Hater-aid is real its like Kool-aid only instead of sugar its laced with bitterness. We have all drank some in our time. We have all secretly thought that we were better, smarter, cuter, faster, whatever then the other person. We have all at one time or another taken pleasure in hating on somebody or on what they have done.  Quit it. Put down the glass.  With every sip you take you are blocking your own blessings. Bitterness poisons the drinker.  I am going to take this a step further and extend it to the people you don't really like. Your "enemies", your haters, your nay sayers, etc. You don't have to party with them and send them flowers but you should be happy for them, and not resent them. I know I am asking a lot of you monster, but it is only for your own good. 

 Romans 12:15- 21 tells us what we are supposed to do. "Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation. Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord. “BUT IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM, AND IF HE IS THIRSTY,GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP BURNING COALS ON HIS HEAD.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” 

Before you get all excited about the heaping of burning coals line, you have to know that it refers to the Love of God. Those coals are Love. God calls us to him with love. He uses love to convict us, to draw us, to chastise us, to bring us into His will. So you forget the images of God torturing your enemies for you. Sorry, monster.  Oh and the whole evil line that is for your haters, and you. You are going to have to do good to them, for them and love them. Sorry. 

   So now that we have cleared up some things, are you really happy about other people's blessings? Don't worry if your not, it will take some time, some prayer, and some getting into your Word. It will happen, and you monster, will be better for it. When  you get to a place where you can truly be happy for others you open up the floodgates in your own life. God is a God of relationship. He wants you to have good relationships with others, He wants to have a great relationship with you. The two are intrinsically intertwined. Jesus commanded us to Love God with our whole hearts, and to love our neighbors as ourselves. You cannot do one and ignore the other. 

So today monster, find someone, anyone, and share in their joy. Practice it daily. Until next blog, I'm happy for you and congratulations on whatever it is you accomplish today. 

Hungry for something? Feed your Spirit!!

    Hey Monsters, miss me? I missed you. Just wanted to give you some time to work on your truth. It is hard work dealing with yourself. A lot of heavy lifting, examining, and cleaning. Enough to make you want to sleep  just thinking about it. I don't know about you but when I have a large project to do I throw on some music and attack that project head on. I tear apart the entire space and put it back together again. A few hours and your done.  It is not that way when your working on yourself. You need to stop and take breaks. Emotional baggage is difficult to clean up, sort through, and deal with. Some people take to keeping a journal, or spend hours meditating and doing yoga, others sift through their physical past and relive each moment. Whatever you choose to do it is not easy. It is draining. If it was easy most of the people walking around today would not have so many issues and thousands of therapists, counselors, and life coaches would be out of work. Come to think of it, I would have nothing to write about. Good thing for me, you, monster have issues. Even better news is your willing and able to work them out.

 So what do you need to refuel with when your working on your mind and spirit? I am glad you asked. You need to feed your spirit with spirit! Yup, just like with exercise you need to fuel your physical body to get optimum results, the same goes for your spirit. No cheating, no filling up on junk food. You got to get the good stuff. You, monster are going to have to tap into the wisdom of the ages, starting with your Bible! Yup I said it, The Bible. If you are even the least bit intimidated by it start in Psalms, nothing but praise to the Almighty in every one! ( It is a good place to start if you want to learn how to pray too. There has been many a day when I just read one Psalm and meditate on it for the rest of the day. It's good stuff. Some more food for your spirit, read inspirational stories of women you admire, go to the library and check out books from Iyanla Vanzant, Joyce Meyer, T.D. Jakes, Creflo Dollar, Paula White, Joel Olsteen, the list is endless, just hang out in the Christian section and I guarantee you will find something that will call to you. It is calling to your spirit! Feed your spirit.

Daily life is constantly draining from you, people, work, children, life. They all take from you. It is important to set aside some time each day to refill. You are no fun when your drained, you lack vitality, energy, love, and patience. Life becomes a trial instead of a joy. When your spirit is on E, you are not good for anyone let alone yourself. So next time you have that empty feeling inside, that gnawing ache that is not filled with food or water, listen to it. It is your spirit asking for a snack. Well don't just sit there fill it up .

Just because it's a fact...doesn't mean it's true

     Happy Monday monsters. Did you know that the more blogs you read the smarter you get?  Also, if you are a single woman in her mid to late 30's you are more likely to never have a child. Did you know that there is a shortage of men, and that 60% of women will never get married? Hey, did you hear that 59% of children that grow up in single family homes will be more likely to raise their own children in a single parent home? Did you know that 57% of African American men admitted to actively seeking a woman of another culture/ethnicity to marry?  Shockingly 67% of black women will not ever marry regardless of age or economic status, and that these same women are more likely to have children out of wedlock?
     67% of men say that they have cheated on their partner. In a recent survey white women were considered the most desirable in a marriage partner, with Asian making a close second, followed by Hispanic, Other, Mixed race and Black coming in last. A recent "study" found that overweight women are more likely to be single, short men prefer taller women, and a man regardless of his looks, weight or height will have a better chance of marrying if he makes six figures or more. On the contrary a woman making six figures or more, no matter how beautiful she may be, will either have to settle or be single.  Or how about this one, 48% of all the people reading this blog believe at least one of the above stated "facts" is true.

       Sorry to disappoint you but most of what is stated above I just made up. Not off the top of my head or anything just purely based on the random opinions and unscientific polls that are conducted in women's magazines, online surveys, and random overheard conversations that women have on a regular basis. You can come up with a statistic on just about anything, and most people will believe it. Hey who can argue with math? I barely passed my statistics class but I know that you can slant your results by polling a targeted group versus a totally random one. I am just saying, you can make a fact about pretty much anything, it just doesn't make it the truth.

    While you have been busy cleaning out your life and your mind you have found that you have more room, some empty space waiting to be filled. Be careful monster an empty space is still a place. A place where you begin storing stuff. Thoughts, ideas, facts, experiences. In the Between you need to be vigilant about guarding these now clean and empty spaces. You need to be careful about what you allow to take up this space. We all plan to only fill our lives with things that edify us. That teach us a better way to live, to think, to act etc. Your main source should be your Bible, but realistically we fill those spaces with things that look good, like self help books, random advice, talk shows and magazine articles. Hey we are working on ourselves after all I told you to read, to learn and to grow. Yes I did. I neglected to tell you to edit and filter what you  are putting in yourself. I am sorry. It was only Revealed to me on my daily torture session, oops I mean exercise session.

   Just because something may be a "fact" does not make it true. Our media is meant to inform us, but mostly it circulates fears and insecurities. It sells millions of copies  each month selling fear. Are you eating the right things, wearing the right things, do you measure up to the beautiful images of women between its covers, do you know how to keep your man satisfied, Do you know how to get the right job, apartment, man?
 The list goes on and on. Worse they put out polls on nearly everything. My question is who are they asking? Where are they getting their facts, and what does it have to do with the truth?

Don't throw them out, you do not have to quit reading them, you don't have to turn off your talk shows, but you do need to quit having a steady diet of them. Most importantly you need to filter any and all information you may get from them. This is what it looks like.

     On one of my jogs I saw an attractive man walking by. He smiled and kept going and out of nowhere all these thoughts bombarded me. Thoughts that went a lot like this. "Hmmm, I am over 30, everybody knows that as you get older it is harder to date. Maybe  I was too fat, guys don't like women with too many curves. Yeah I am a single mom guys don't want to have to raise a kid that is not his. (how he could possibly know that I was a mom did not even enter into my thoughts.), I am not even on his radar, He probably doesn't like black women. And a whole lot of other mess that I will not share with you. In reality the guy probably never gave me another thought as he went past, while I was beating my self up with all the facts I had gleaned from media and other misinformed women. Lucky for me I tripped. While I was physically tripping, the Holy Spirit informed me that I was mentally tripping and to cut it out immediately.

So I cut it out. I told myself out loud the truth. The Truth is I am a Child of the Most High God. That I am fine just the way I am. That it does not matter what man says about me. That I am fearfully and wondrously made, that God has a plan for me, that He knows the desires of my heart.  That all these "facts" were not the Truth. That I needed to have a better filter on the things I allowed into my mind. I also knew that I had to examine each of these "facts" find their source and eliminate them. So I rarely watch talk shows, I turn off all those reality shows that show women as mistreated, spoiled, chronically single, over dramatic, unloved and unlovable. Yup I had to clean out my Tivo. More importantly I had to discard these "facts" and find the Truth about me.

   As long as you hold on to the "facts" you cannot know the truth. So monster today, examine all the "facts" about yourself and your situation and figure out if they are the Truth. I can guarantee that most of the '"facts" you believe about yourself are not true at all. Throw them out. After all everybody knows the Truth will set you free.

Be free monster, be free.

Fuggedaboudit....Forgive them, all of them

       Hope your loving your Wednesday monsters. I am about to go dance in the rain. Yup that is how I get my joy on. Don't forget that today is the day to get your joy on too. So Dance, but not yet, read this first, then dance. So please excuse the liberty that I have taken with my spelling. In other words I am asking for your forgiveness. That was easy. Most of the time it is not. It is hard to admit when you were wrong, doubly  so when you feel that you are not wrong.
        Forgiveness is a funny creature. There are some situations where it readily appears, like forgiving me my spelling mistakes. There are other situations where finding it is near impossible, like in the case of a broken heart, or a betrayal of trust. It is even harder to forgive when it is not really an action but perhaps a conduct or behavior or word that has given you offense. While you are in your Between time you have been cleaning out your stuff. Looking at the past and the people in it. You have probably found some situations and some people that you have been offended by. I know I have. I have probably even held a grudge. Or two. O.k. maybe a dozen or so. Well what do you do? Some of these things happened long ago, maybe you don't even know where the offender is, or perhaps you told them you forgave them already, even though a small kernel of unforgiveness lives in your heart. What then? Is it really a big deal, after all its the past and the past cannot hurt you, right?

The past may not be able to reach out and slap you, but it will hinder you from moving into the Next. That little piece of unresolved issue can grow into a huge pile of unresolved issues. It will affect how you deal with future similar situations, it will affect how you treat people, it will poison your relationships and it will open up the floodgates that will water the bitterness you have been so successful in rooting out. So, yeah it is a big deal.

Forgiveness is not about the other person. It is about you. Chances are they don't even know or care that they have hurt or offended you. They are not losing any sleep and skipping happily along with their life. Unaware and most likely totally oblivious to your pain. Nope, monster it is not for them it is for you. You are going to have to dig deep for this one. It is going to take some work and it may not happen over night, but if you are active, willing, and loving enough it will happen . You must forgive everyone and everything that has caused you to be in the Between, this includes yourself. You are going to have reach in deep and be truly honest. Your decisions, choices, and actions are what got you here. Forgive yourself. Embrace yourself, love yourself , take the lesson the universe is showing you and then forgive yourself. This part is easy. Well kind of easy, on to the heavy lifting.

Take a breath and go back to each situation where you have been hurt or offended by someone else. It doesn't matter if you were close to them or if it was the guy who took your parking spot, or the last seat on the bus. Picture them in your head, smile and forgive them. Then let it go. For people who you love/loved this may take several tries. You will have to check in every once in awhile with your feelings to make sure that you have truly forgiven them. Why is this important? Because sweet one, you will continue to draw the same type of situations and people into your life that will mirror the hurt and pain until you deal with it. Talk about Deja Vu.

What does this look like. We will use an easy example. Men. You are looking back on all your past relationships and you start to see a pattern, All the men you date have the same physical attributes, same type of personality, same type of vibe about them. That could just be chalked up to what you like, so let's dig deeper. As you look at all your relationships they all seem to have been emotionally or physically unavailable. Maybe it was physical distance, maybe they worked or traveled, perhaps they were still involved with someone else. Doesn't matter. Now you have located the problem, you have seen how with hindsight all of them were doomed to fail. Well here is where forgiveness comes in. Forgive them for being who they were and forgive yourself for picking them. Let it go. Now you can see that type coming and avoid them, lesson learned. Or, you can claim to be over it, and keep repeating the cycle over and over again. God will allow you to repeat this lesson as many times as it takes. Let it go. Forgive all of them. Write their names on a piece of paper and throw it in a lake, rip it up and scatter it. Let them go, thank them for the lesson and move on.

Be aware that once you have done this the Universe will test you. I will put you in situations that are similar it will send you people who remind you of. _____________, it will try to trick you and test you. You might fail. No, you will fail, first time out, after that it is cake, you will be able to laugh about it and recognize the next one instantly! lesson learned. You must practice this daily. Forgive them.

The most important reason to forgive is that in the Bible it clearly states they we are forgiven. As undeserving as we may be God is able and willing to forgive us. It also says that if we harbor any unforgiveness in our hearts that God will not forgive us. (Matt.6:14-15) You got to give, to get monster. Do not block your blessings and your prayers over petty man-made mess. Forgive and let go.  Now you get to work on that, I have to go out and sing in the rain. Save some time for your joy!

Resurrection: Its Not Just For Easter

Good Morning, monsters. Hope you enjoyed your holiday. How did the soul searching go? Did you get that bitter taste out of your mouth, more importantly did you begin to root it out of your soul. I know its difficult, I warned you that it was a tricky, sneaky thing. It may take awhile to get its tendrils out of the nooks and crannies of your soul, but keep at it. I am constantly walking around with a bottle of Round-Up, squirting every nasty tendril that pops its head up. Every day I am hacking away at that root. Writing this is killing the bitterness, every key stroke is making it weaker and soon, it will be all gone.

On to today's topic. Congratulations graduate you have left the Before. You've put away all your exes, you have stopped the back in the day episodes, and you have retired from your party planning career. Now what? If your anything like me, your shocked. For the first time you are awake, and the light is blinding. You look around and realize you have been living in a bubble, life has gone on merrily around you and your having a bad hair day, your wearing ugly sweats, and you can give a detailed recap of every bad reality show on television. Don't go back into hiding! Shake it off. Get up get out of those nasty sweats, do a mini makeover, and face the day. Really face it.

When I finally came to myself I was shocked. I was chilling on the couch eating chips, watching some inane woman making a fool of herself on national T.V.  and I caught my reflection. I had become a couch potato. Me! I hadn't rocked heels in a year, my poor babies were locked away in boxes, and what was I wearing, pajamas at 3 in the afternoon? My nails were not done, my legs not shaved, and I was rocking my natural hair color. This had gone too far. Your wake up may not look like this but its still a wake up you begin to take notice of what your doing, eating wearing, you notice your surroundings, congratulations baby you are awake. Today is your Resurrection Day.

So what does this mean? It means you are no longer distracted by what you lost, you've stopped all the distractions, you have begun working on your bitterness and suddenly you have become aware of yourself. This is a strange moment. Now that your not looking back, you can look forward and all you see are possibilities. The whole world has opened up to you, its like you have not been breathing and you can finally fill your lungs. You get off that couch, march into the bathroom and reclaim you.  This post is going to be short. Today you are going to be so excited about you that this blog is just blocking you from saying hello to you. So monster go do it. Change your hair, put on some make up, go sit in the sun. Today is the first day of your new life. Get to It. Because after today we step into the In Between. Enjoy your day